yes ugh i'm alive

*sighs*

No wifi for a week. Couldn't post for a week. Came back a day earlier than originally planned, actually.

Ugh, go to my deviantart for more info. I got angry/sad/negative so many times this past week. It was so boring there.

I still can't post anything on my computer. My computer sucks at cooperating with Blogger.

I got the results from both polls. Thanks for voting, guys.

Oh shoot, I almost forgot today is April Fool's Day. My now four year old cousin has his birthday today. Haha.

Well ugh frick shiz go here. I'm not even trying and I bet you all expected this anyways.

Click the link lmao: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

I am such a good friend to you strangers who I have emotionally attached to. c':

It's actually not even a bad song. Like his singing isn't even that terrible. What's even the big deal? Ugh sorry oops.

Ok enough cruddy pranks. Seriousness. Kind of?

Here's some info about me. I regret everything I type 99% of the time, and this time is no different. Get to know the blogger who is definitely a piece of shiz: http://spiritfallen.tumblr.com/aboutme

Oh yeah, if you're like one of those people who are against "bad words" then don't go scrolling around on my deviantart and tumblr.

Lol me I'm the fool.

The car gps fooled us by saying our hotel resort place was in the middle of a freaking cemetery. It fooled us (my parents and I) a whole week before April Fool's Day. It wanted my wishes to go away for a while and not exist for a while to start over by wanting me to die. Cemetery.. death.. negativity.. trapped.. yeah. 

I'm not a happy person. I'm either boring or irritable. A lot. Spring break vacation didn't make me feel better and happier. It made me feel worse, to be honest. Besides the fact that there was no wifi. And how my life relies on the internet. Well, not literally. Life is just boring and empty without entertainment. I only had my book to entertain me. Some TV, sure, but I don't even like TV that much anymore. But yeah, lots of anger. Oh and sadness. Like negativity in general.

The start of spring break I was so motivated to draw and write something new. Now I'm not. Being motivated and being interested in things is so difficult for me nowadays. I'm like a nothing. But I know I'm not.

I'm still doing this collab story idea. Screw, messed up me and my messed up thoughts. I'm still doing this thing. I will get it done. I will.. I hope.. I really do.

I don't even know if I have those (mental.. emotional) problems. Parents won't understand. They won't even understand my orientation labels even when I clearly explained it to them. (No I'm not a Straightstraight.. as of right now.. or ever.. yeah lol). Like gosh.. stop saying you know me. Because you don't. Parents.. gosh.

I get/got anxiety about identity. Because I don't know who/what I am. I'm not that average American high school teenage girl. Or person in general. Well.. I don't think I ever was. But oh well. Like.. idk.. labels.. they're like a sense of belonging. I like them and I hate them at the same time. Lol I swear I'm the most indecisive person I ever got to know. But then again I bet I can't get myself to get to truly know anybody online. Haha that's fine..?

Sorry. It's hard to believe. I'm usually so cool and chill irl on the outside. While I'm totally not on the inside and online. I sometimes, well pretty often honestly, think I'm manipulating you all by typing out what I truly feel because I never opened up to anyone irl before. But this week during that vacation or whatever, it was so hard for me to fake being cool and chill and, well, happy. Negativity.. accusations.. um.. I'm not nice. I'm not a good and kind person. I'm not.. sorry.

I sometimes even think I'm being such an edgy kid online. But then I see what other people do, and I ditch that thought immediately.

Bye.

~ çųțępųpş