ok so stuff

Post update for today/tonight. April 5th, April 6th.. whichever date you're reading this.

I, have recently realized more and more, that I'm unlike most typical people. I do things, or think things, that most typical people don't.

I'm different. Same too. But the ways I am different.. well.. I hate them. I want those things to go away, to die.. but they can't. Because they are parts of who I am. Like, I think, some of the things and reasons are understandable.. but some things aren't.

Life, especially academically (mostly school but not only that), is getting really stressful nowadays. Today I started getting anxiety over this whole big thing I'm a part of that's happening in June. More and more often socializing with family members and "friends" seems more and more harder for me to do. It's like I'm getting worse at it. And then all these thoughts come.. And it's just a mess. A cluttered mess of anxiety.

I'm still trying to calm down from all that stress and anxiety. And I'm really tired because of it. These specific YouTube videos helped me.

I'm honestly still shaking a little bit as I'm typing this. Oh boy, overthinking things to cause anxiety is my specialty. Even when I do nothing, I'm screaming in my head. And, ugh, it's stressful and anxious.

It's also suddenly cold. The weather, I mean. Weather is weird.

I remember I used to title all my blog posts with each word being capitalized. And reading stuff like that kinda hurts my eyes now. And I'm way more emotionally drained and sappy (<< fun combination word I came up with that combines the feelings of happiness and sadness at the same time because that is my emotional state nowadays) than several months before.

Also.. where is everyone? Like this place seems like it's abandoned of commenters now? Um.. I know you all got your reasons, I bet I can name a few but I won't on here, I'm concerned and worried and.. ugh. You don't hate me.. right? I've made so many posts with that "ugh she's at it again :/" vibe. But, like, I kinda may have trust issues with "friends" who were all nice and friendly and awesome in my life.. and only one day for them to not be there for me at all, use me for their own benefit, ignore my existence, or worse of all, to suddenly get away from me and leave without telling me anything. And yeah.. it hurts. It still hurts a lot. 

This post is worded strangely, I know. I'm not in the best shape right now.

I'm going to head off to bed now. Well, after I clean up and everything.. before bed stuff.

Bye.