Awful Sketchy Art

Ok so I drew a little while I was basically having a breakdown. 

I might fix them up if I ever calm down and am not thinking about death. 

But I'm also unmotivated and too busy to actually do that. 

So just have this bad art I drew while I was crying and panicking.

:"} 

I based it off of this poem (and yes, I'm linking to the version on my dA because I'm too lazy to find the blog post): https://blueblazingspirit.deviantart.com/art/Fire-Underneath-My-Skin-709076786 

I compared myself to Duke in that poem, so I drew me and him. I drew Duke to be ghost-like and not really there (he's just part of my imagination and a character of mine, after all; he's not real).

The line I drew on my arm is supposed to be fire in my veins. Fire is escaping from the vein. Uh yeah sure. It kind of looks like a long scar there, but it's supposed to be fiery veins not anything like self harm or anything. Umm heck.

I tried to draw me. I look far more ugly in person. I tried to include my acne too because I'm an ugly piece of sh!t who shouldn't be alive but still is somehow.

I know that what I wrote on the drawing isn't a line from the poem. Oh well screw it. I ruined my future anyways. 

On the paper, it says this: 

"I also have fire in my veins. and it (-hurts-) burns. - fire burns -"

I crossed out the "hurts" and replaced it with "burns". 

Duke is my fire boy and my pain boy. 

Same goes for Fierdan, but I felt like drawing Duke. I also said Duke in the poem. So yeah, I drew him. 

I drew Duke with all that fire he has. Like, for example, the fiery wings. Those bad boys. Oh yeah heck me up, son.

-x-x-

And here is one absolutely fvcking terrible sketch of a Duke vent. 

It's raining. It's when his hair is short and not black. His neck and back are supposed to be curved in a way so that he's looking up at the sky with his chin up. Uh yeah sure. 

That anatomy is really fvcking terrible. What the actual fvck is that, Cutepups? 

He's there crying and nearly on the brink of death. Attempt #.. idk. 

Duke and death. Damn, what a relationship. Death always seems to break up with Duke though. Oh darn, this boy just can't freaking die.

He's either walking on the outermost barrier on the Tall Tower's roof, on the railing of a bridge, or on another high structure. I haven't decided yet. 

I'm not feeling well enough to make it look any better. I'm barely coping nowadays, and I still want to take a break from existing/living. 

The darkest parts of Duke's past are his encounters with death. Either other people or almost with himself. 

I'm not sure if I kinda hinted at it in Chapter 70, but I did include the actual word. So.. hmm.. yeah. 

tw://: Duke has a history with suicide. Long, complex history. 

Yeah oh heck. Fvck.

But did I ever formally explain it all? Nope. 

Maybe there's also hints in the older chapters that I'm too scared to read. Like, idk, maybe Chapter 50. 

Chapter 50... *shudders*  

Me: *waits for all my viewers to sue me because of this* 

I'm trying to write it so that the time he cut into his heart flame (Chapter 27) nearly actually killed him without him every actually realizing that.

Hhhhhhhh damn it, Cutepups with your obsession with wanting to die. Stop this. >:(  

Spoilers- because I can't stand being alive so I should just reveal my story plans:

Risak tries to execute (that means kill ;) oh worm?) Duke by using a gun to shoot him at the side/front of the head. That, of course, would result in death. 

But since Duke is Duke, it doesn't kill him. Instead, it activates the Soulless part of him to overpower his humanity/Fierdan part. So then Duke turns into this very violent, sadistic guy.

When Risak is staring in absolute horror upon the fact that shooting Duke in the head multiple times didn't kill him (wtf @ Duke), Duke laughs sinisterly at him because Risak is a fool. 

And then there's this whole speech that Duke gives Risak about how he can't die that easily. And how he knows that because he kinda basically.. he tried to kill himself a few times. 

So yeah. Duke. What a boy. This boy has a job and it's called causing me pain. :^) 

This is all before Taurel. Taurel comes after Risak leaves. Duke basically kills Risak. 

Damn it, Duke. 

All of the main characters are technically murderers. They all killed at least one person. That's messed up as fvck, Cutepups. What the actual fvck is wrong with you, I'm suing. 

So yeah, haha. :) 

If I don't die this week, consider it a mcfreaking Cutepups miracle. 

Oh and that concerned voice in my head that goes "Cutepups..." is still there. It won't leave me alone. Haha. 

Oh and how does the name, Elor, sound? For a boy, for a girl? Neither. For someone who I won't reveal the gender of. 

Elor? 

Ok I should go die (I mean sleep) now. 

I love you. <3 

Lmao bye. 

~ Cutepups ;;