I'm just gonna type out some random things about the story and characters. Haha wtf, Cutepups? Everything's a mess.
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I wonder if anyone realized this about Fierdan in my recent skits:
I either make Fierdan be this angry, obviously hot-headed guy that's always ready to fight somebody.. or I make Fierdan be like this quiet, mysterious, cryptic vibes guy.
Fierdan XD he's both.
Fierdan... <3 ;; Uh, I love him.
...... the rest of this post is gonna be spoilers lmao oops. I need to jot these ideas down.
-x-x-
If anyone is confused, let me explain.
C and Z are the parents of Ryen and Fierdan.
A (in my story) is a mysterious spirit angel girl who "enlightens" (?) Fierdan.
Ryen's birth name is Aryen. Fierdan's birth name is Daniel. They almost never use their "official" names because of the connotations with their names.
Danny is another nickname for Daniel. Fierdan is also a nickname.
I love thinking about Ryen and Fierdan because the relationship between the two is so interesting. They're opposites in many ways.
Z named Ryen, Aryen. C named Fierdan, Daniel. I think of a dark, cool color palette (ex. navy blue) for a Ryen aesthetic. I think of a bright, warm color palette (ex. orange) for a Fierdan aesthetic. Ryen's eyes are gray or hazel. Fierdan's eyes are a shade of brown. Ryen is "emotional deficient"; Fierdan is "too emotional". Z split his expertise in language and creativity to Fierdan (though Fierdan kinda lost that due to all the crap that happens to him), and Z split his logical reasoning (as in logic, not necessarily his flawed views) and expertise in mathematics to Ryen. In other words, Z was seen as a genius ("superior" to others, very clever and intelligent), and he divided the two ends of his genius spectrum into two parts, giving one end to each son. While Z was doing that, C gave Ryen and Fierdan very different Elemental Powers. Going into detail about that.. well, it's a lot.
..... this is gonna go into what I call Story 2. I never really think of Fierdan and think of the name, Daniel. He's just Fierdan or Danny to me. But for this case, I'm gonna say Daniel.
For the majority of Story 2, Daniel has quite the struggle when it comes to his name (what he calls himself, what he wants others to call him). I don't know how to put it in words, so hear me out. I'll try, so here goes. The origin of the name, Fierdan, is "fear" and something like "king", "(demi)god", "new world leader". When Daniel is first called Fierdan, he's viewed as a villain who kills for no reason (he actually has valid reasons- it's different for the ones with Soulless and the reasons he killed Z). Changing his name to Fierdan turned him from being a pacifist (pre-Fierdan days) to a sadist (? Fierdan days). His wardrobe and metaphorical heart turned black, and black is a symbol of fear and evil. In Story 2, Daniel is terrified of his past life as Fierdan with what he did and all the manipulations and abuses. Daniel gets repulsed and haunted by Fierdan. But he can't really connect to the name, Danny, at first, so he continues to call himself Fierdan. Later on, he turns the meaning of Fierdan into something more hopeful and positive. But before that, he later claims the name, Danny, back which was the nickname he claimed in the pre-Fierdan days.
In other words, this is the evolution of his name: Daniel --> Danny --> Fierdan --> Fierdan (v.2) --> Danny (v.2) --> Danny/Fierdan (v.2 reprise)
The first Danny can be pre-Fierdan, and the last three can be post-Fierdan.
-x-x-
Story 2 version of My Characters and Their Screwed Up Minds. (except for Duke since he's not in Story 2 because that's impossible and can't happen due to lots of reasons)
Is this confusing? You don't know why? Is this possibly problematic? Eh yeah.
*shrugs*
Fierdan/Danny: ptsd, depression, paranoia (?), abandonment issues (? when it comes to the whole C arc thing)
Duke: depression, psychosis (? schizoaffective? idk), ptsd (?), low to no actual genuine empathy
Ryen: schizoid personality disorder or schizotypal personality disorder (? probably not but idk for sure? idk it's all so complicated so yikes)
Dawn: ptsd (only part- not all- is connected to Fierdan), insecurities with body image
Twinkle: depression, anxiety, dysphoria (? disconnection? what is identity? kind of?)
I'm not too sure about the others right now.
Seeing other characters die (get killed), killing other characters themselves, the manipulations, the abuses.. lol yeah of course it's gonna fvck them up mentally in the worst ways possible. Consciously yet helplessly watching them turn "human" into "monster". Obviously, the "them" is Fierdan/Danny and Duke. Memory blanks, repressed memories, the traumas.. yeah, add on Dawn. I think it would be unrealistic to not make them have ptsd (? I feel weird wording this) due to all the fvcked up things they do/have happen to them. Wouldn't seeing someone else kill someone in person fvck you up? Like, wouldn't that be traumatizing? And that's only one thing for them. Oh and yeah, I intentionally included Dawn here.
Ugh fine, I'll kinda explain it for Dawn. Well, here goes.
Dawn was also there in person when Ardere dies. Dawn had to deal with a very unstable and impulsively violent Duke, who also tried to kill her at some point. Dawn had to deal with Fierdan for so long; she saw him turn from a kid into a black-hearted monster. When the rest (or almost the rest, in Dawn's case) of the human world memories come back from when she and Fierdan were little kids, it only gets intensely worse. Dawn never believed that she and Fierdan could be related, but with these memories back, she strongly believes they could be and then he also believes that. So she feels like she made her body get violated by others again, and she is disgusted by herself. And like.. that's gross. Oh and there's also the fact that even before she and Fierdan (Danny back then) get turned into experimental subjects in the new world project (Jamaa.. I really should/have to change that name), both of her parents suddenly become gone forever one day. And then Z takes her in. Z doesn't treat Dawn as a human being- nevertheless a child- but instead as a freak who shouldn't have been born. If she believes that she got violated again by Fierdan (Duke as well I guess), then the first was from Z.
Anyway, I love Dawn. After everything that happened to her, she deserves the best. She's my green queen babe. Her past hurts me the most.
Z is scum. That guy is the absolute worst. But I don't think he's always been the worst. He doesn't deserve any real redemption and forgiveness for his actions (like what I've been doing with Fierdan) though. About Fierdan, I originally planned for him to be unforgivable scum. But now, I see him as such a good boy despite everything.
Twinkle is supposed to be the character that I connect to the most, even though I can connect to all my main characters (the protagonists; I can't connect to Z lol). Me? Turning Twinkle into a disconnection, identity mess? Kinda questioning if I should make Twinkle question her gender? Subtly making Twinkle throw away her warmth which she views as a weakness, and her femininity traits like cutting her hair very short? Oh, that me? I still Twinkle by she/her though; suddenly changing that with no explanation would be strange. Twinkle gets her warmth and friendliness back. Closely bonding with Dawn helps with that. She won't always have confusing feelings about Duke and Fierdan. But Twinkle becomes kinda more masculine/gender neutral. Uh yeah lol.
-x-x-
I have poem ideas for Dawn, Duke, and Fierdan.
The topics are very unsettling. Nothing dandy and happy about that.
Oh geez, I messed up my children so much.
Uh, here's a vague description for each one.
Dawn: violated body, helplessness, that's another inappropriate content @Cutepups stop this
Duke: flaws, tolerated, black fire suffocation, ruined body, broken body, blurry vision, breathing (not gonna explain what each of those things mean in context)
Fierdan: the mind manipulation game (not explaining that one either, but I brought it up before)
-x-x-
I'm reading poetry on dA again, so it's kinda making me motivated to write more poetry. So that could be why.
Welp, it's late now. I've been typing this for two hours, I think.
Yikes.
<3 <3 <3
~ Cutepups
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