Psychic

You,

Why can't I get you out of my head?

Why do my thoughts go back to you?

Why is my own body more interested in you than myself?

It always goes back to you. 

Not even dreams from

Last week

But dreams from last year too

My subconscious mind lets you in

When you never had the key to begin with

Those dreams are supposed to be about me

So why are you in them?

And not me?

Obsessions

Addiction

I care about other people more than me

Even though I treat them like crap

I don't care about myself at all 

I can't be saved if I don't want to

Even in my sleep

My dreams show me that I am

Obsessed with you

I can't even look into 

My own future 

I'm eternally blind to what my life holds

I don't know anything at all

I guess that means 

I can't be my own psychic 

I'm your psychic

I see your future 

Through my dreams

My subconscious mind is obsessed with you

I hate myself for being that way

There's proof that you have a future

That you'll win the fight

"Everything will be okay", huh?

I should be happy for you

I should be

Happy

Why can't I be happy?

I hate my brain

I hate my thoughts

I hate myself

I hate how there is proof

There is proof that you have a future 

It exists 

And I doubt myself even more that I will

Have a future

I guess I'm nothing more than a mess

A lost cause 

Since you have proof while I don't 

If I can accurately see into other people's futures 

Yet never my own

Does that mean 

Everyone has a future 

Except for me?

Is my mind giving me proof

That I wasn't meant to have a future?

Who is anyone to tell me

No

That I have a future

Everyone

Every freaking person 

Has a future 

Because I became a psychic 

For you and for them 

I know they all have futures

Because I've seen their futures 

I wasn't meant to be here

For this long anyways

So I'm not destined to have the privilege of knowing

For an absolute fact

That I will have a future

A future where I'm still alive 

And not dead before the age of 18 

If I can be your psychic and see into your future, then why can't I do it for myself?

What's the point of being a psychic if I can't be one for myself?

And that is the curse of being a kid

With no ambitions and long-term goals in life

For being that kid who doesn't give a damn about their own life anymore 

Because then their own life gets thrown away and gets replaced with others'

You don't have your own life anymore

So you won't have a future

While you know that you and all your peers will 

That is the curse of the psychic 

I am the kid

I'm the kid who doesn't give a damn

I don't care about my own life anymore

Because I threw my own life and opportunities away

And I've replaced my future with other people's futures 

I don't have a future anymore 

It never existed in the first place 

And god damn it 

I'm so jealous

Or envious 

Whatever the word should be 

It doesn't matter

I feel broken

It hurts 

Being surrounded by people who all have futures 

Everyone except for me

I threw my life away with my future 

And I never properly had either to begin with 

I guess that means I'm not alive 

I'm a living dead

Who should be put into a grave 

Since I've already died   

Knowing your future and not mine

Seeing into the future and being accurate 

That is the curse of the psychic 

I am the psychic 

That is the curse of being me